This is yet another e-mail I received a few weeks ago from a yahoo
representing the pool of talent, from which Korea gets its English instructors:
Hey Charles,
I found your url when looking
at a pic of yours that was posted on a Korean tourism site. Anyway,
the reason I'm emailing you, and hopefully you won't think I'm nuts
for saying this, but I really have a thing for Korean girls(yes, I'm
a white guy!) and would like to see if it's possible to go to Seoul
to teach English. I noticed that your webpage says that you're an
English teacher and thought you could give me some advice. I've worked
in manufacturing for the last 15 years and have no experience teaching
and also, while I have tons of college credits, I don't actually have
a degree. Is it possible to get a teaching job without a degree? Any
general advice would be greatly appreciated!
On a completely different
note, I noticed that you're a fellow guitarist! I've played since
I was ten and learned music theory from a really intense jazz guitarist.
I probably have a lot of info that would be a real eye opener for
you and the way you approach your playing. If you're interested I'm
happy to share my knowledge.
Sincerely,
[Toilet Stain]
Dear Toilet Stain,
Thank you for confirming yet another stereotype. No, I don't think
you're nuts, though I do think you're a fucking idiot. I do understand
your fetish for Korean women. My fiancee, after all, is Korean, and
I'm simply nuts for her.
I do, however, question your desire to work in Seoul, just to get
some Korean pussy. If you're actually interested in a long-term relationship,
possibly marriage, with a Korean, I would advise against that. Chances
are, the walnut-sized gland, which I suspect is functioning as your
brain, probably couldn't handle the cultural differences that often
get in the way of making such a relationship a successful one.
My advice would be to live near a university where a lot of Korean
women attend. You can haunt the frat parties and bars all you want,
without worrying over the correct way to use your chopsticks and so
forth. On the other hand, your chances of success are dubious as those
women will not be impressed by your passport and your tempting offer
to help them get a green card if they'll just blow you a few times.
Such a shame, too, because there are so many hot bitches in Korea
just aching to spread for foreign guys like you. Oh, well.
As your options dwindle, I can't help but feel that your last resort
is prostitution, which I suspect is what you're really interested
in anyway. But these whores are so drugged up, they'll do whatever
you want and fulfill all of your fetishist fantasies. Get them to
wear a hanbok, which is a traditional Korean dress, kind of like a
Japanese kimono. Now, from what I hear, it can get a little pricey.
But at least you won't have to burden yourself with the prospect of
getting an education, which would only open your eyes to a life beyond
cheap thrills anyway.
No, I don't think I'll be asking you for any of your knowledge regarding
the guitar. If your approach to playing the guitar resembles the way
you approach life, you'd best keep it to yourself. But I do appreciate
the generous offer to open my eyes. Well, not really.
With all sincerity,
Charles
